Even More Medical Chart Funnies and Bloopers – Chart Farts®

Hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics) – it’s time for another dose… Worth revisiting some from prior posts. All of these funny medical malapropisms come from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Chief complaint: stomach blotting (I don’t know what you’re complaining about… there are times where blotting may be appropriate.)
• Order: Check Billy Reuben (Well, where the heck is he?!)
• Chief complaint: Possible infected rig (If you’re calling it a “rig”, it’s probably infected.)
• Cronnies disease (Much higher incidence in hospital administrators, by the way.)
• Regurgitated heart valves (The most unique party trick I’ve seen in years.)
• R groin hermitoma (No hermit crabs jokes, please… this is a family blog.)
• Allergies: PCN & aspirin – Meds at home: NPH insulin & aspirin (Let me guess… reason for admission: anaphylaxis.)
• The patient has a long history of smoking. He smoked at least one pack of pulmonary embolisms per day. (Livin’ on the edge… flirting with death.)
• She has a decreased appetite with increased food intake. (OMG! I do too!)
• Afib – likely secondary to tachycardia
• ID recommendations were to preoperatively administer prophylactic antibiotics to protect the hospital from hospital-acquired organisms (Freudian slips from Risk Management.)
• Nurse to husband of a patient with respiratory distress: Do you want Dr Smith to impregnate your wife? (Ummm… no. But how about if Dr Smith intubates my wife.)
• Mr. H complains of PND and a non-productive couch (Couch potatoes all across the country are relieved to discover that their lack of productivity actually comes from the couch, itself.) 

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