This is what you get when someone who is poor at taking histories meets a poor historian. Funnies from the medical record.

Personally, I like the part about the chest pain being in his elbow.

For more medical chart bloopers check out ChartFarts.com. You can also submit Chart Farts® to our collection.

As you know from all of the other references on this site and at ChartFarts.com, a chart fart is a medical blooper written or said or entered into a computer by doctors, nurses, techs, patients, etc.

Well, when I was first called about this medical chart blooper, I laughed out loud (real LOL, not just texting it or tweeting it). The attending covering this patient noticed that an intern had written “EKG after each BM” in the admission orders.

I asked him for a copy of it and before receiving the copy, I posted it on Twitter. And as usual, I made a snide comment after it in parentheses. I said “If you really want to tick off the nurses, order that with some kayaxelate”.

Well, here’s the original order…

… complete with the kayaxelate order… Doh!

Hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics) – it’s time for another dose… Worth revisiting some from prior posts. All of these funny medical malapropisms come from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Chief complaint: stomach blotting (I don’t know what you’re complaining about… there are times where blotting may be appropriate.)
• Order: Check Billy Reuben (Well, where the heck is he?!)
• Chief complaint: Possible infected rig (If you’re calling it a “rig”, it’s probably infected.)
• Cronnies disease (Much higher incidence in hospital administrators, by the way.)
• Regurgitated heart valves (The most unique party trick I’ve seen in years.)
• R groin hermitoma (No hermit crabs jokes, please… this is a family blog.)
• Allergies: PCN & aspirin – Meds at home: NPH insulin & aspirin (Let me guess… reason for admission: anaphylaxis.)
• The patient has a long history of smoking. He smoked at least one pack of pulmonary embolisms per day. (Livin’ on the edge… flirting with death.)
• She has a decreased appetite with increased food intake. (OMG! I do too!)
• Afib – likely secondary to tachycardia
• ID recommendations were to preoperatively administer prophylactic antibiotics to protect the hospital from hospital-acquired organisms (Freudian slips from Risk Management.)
• Nurse to husband of a patient with respiratory distress: Do you want Dr Smith to impregnate your wife? (Ummm… no. But how about if Dr Smith intubates my wife.)
• Mr. H complains of PND and a non-productive couch (Couch potatoes all across the country are relieved to discover that their lack of productivity actually comes from the couch, itself.)

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Share any medical chart funnies you’ve seen with thousands of other GiggleMed readers, and I’ll give you a gift… Once you submit an original chart fart™, you’ll be redirected to your bribe free gift… a funny medical humor PDF download about all the signs that shouldn’t eat the hospital food.

I just posted a new Chart Farts® video on YouTube…

It has all of the usual (hilarious) samples from the Chart Farts® collection… but this one has a twist at the end that will cause a small subset of you will wet yourself when you see it. The rest of you will just wonder… WTF? (hint: you have to be older than 30 to get it… or have some weird fascination with watching re-runs of old, 1980s sitcoms)

In any case, the Joint Commission won’t like it…

But hey, I laugh at doctor jokes… nurses laugh at nurse jokes…

(: medicine is fun again :)

It’s time for another flatus hiatus…

You’ve come to know Chart Fart Art™ – Here’s another medical malapropism from the Chart Farts® collection that we’ve made into a comic… This one happens to be one of the most oft-repeated chart farts® by patients and their families (just after “gouch”, “chicken pops”, and “cadillacs”). “Fireballs in the uterus” is not only said very often, but it also occasionally appears on ER triage sheets… Some have mentioned the “Fireballs in the Eucharist” quote, but I haven’t heard this one first hand… yet.

As I reflect on “fireballs”, I think… man… that’s gotta hurt. Especially in the uterus. So, to make myself think of more pleasant thoughts, I’m toying with the idea for a new medical musical group… how about “Flaming Placentas”?

… No. Too soon.

Anyway, if you want to let us know how you feel about GiggleMed.com and ChartFarts.com, here’s a way to tell us: Tell Us How You Feel and Get A Free Gift…

Medical humor comes in all forms. And we love most of it… but the funniest of all medical humor seems to be that stuff that is real, and at the same time embarrassing, yet harmless. Chart Farts® are just that…

Medical malapropisms that were really put on charts or said by health practitioners or patients… And with the exception of an occasional reader becoming incontinent, no one was hurt by the error.

Here’s Chart Farts ® Issue #2 posted on YouTube…

There are many ways for you to enjoy Chart Farts®

• Chart Farts homepage
• Chart Farts Blog Posts – GiggleMed’s “chart farts” category for blog posts
• Chart Fart Art Posts – GiggleMed’s “chart farts” put to funny healthcare comics
• Medical Humor Tweets – Follow @GiggleMed on Twitter
• Funny Healthcare Videos on YouTube
• Medical Malapropisms on Squidoo
• Chart Farts Gifts – funny gifts – hats, mugs, stickers, bags, t-shirts, and more
• Chart Farts are also available in fortune cookies for large events… soon to opened up to everyone, even as single gifts

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics)… Here’s another group of funny medical malapropisms for you. All of these are from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Analpril 1.25mg Q8hrs (Is that for hyper-sphincter-tension?)
• Nasal packaging
• Nasal fungal cream
• He lives with his finance (So… are you thinking about your patient or the stock market?)
• Retrocele (Now in paisley!)
• Secular aneurysm (Will need intervention from the Surgical Right)
• She is on 93 Liters of oxygen (All of the latest hospital facilities come with wind tunnels)
• Wingworms (Sounds like something from the Princess Bride)
• Bypolor
• He has recently been on both aspirin, Plavix, prednisone, and Coumadin
• “Pain med: “”given”" Where/route: “”in room”" (Well… Thank you Nurse Sherlock)
• Breeding ulcer (No comment… uh… ok, one comment… We should discuss strategies on lower k values.)
• ROS: Unobtainable secondary to patient’s mental status change and I am unable to follow commands. (I bet)
• Chief complaint: Clogged tube (You’re gonna have to be a little more specific)
• Chief complaint: uncontrollable bowel movement (Like that damn pink little bunny with the drums)
• Uncontrolled left labrial cellulitis
• Buttock, lower back, and neck pain from assa (I’m not quite sure what assa is, but it should probably be taken off of the market)
• Chief complaint: Debility
• Pericardial tachycardia
• Reason for ER visit: Dates and anatomy (Dude, now that’s high risk behavior if I ever heard it)
• History of psychoptosis (Doesn’t it sorta suck when your brain explodes?)
• History of bump bleedin
• chronic obesity (As opposed to the much more shocking acute form)
• Will sue high dose furosemide to force diuresis
• Hide-a-scan
• Bi geminis (Not that there’s anything wrong with that… at least if your EF is okay)
• History of grouch in my feet (Grouch, gouch, the gout… it’s all the same)
• Mr. H is an 823-year old Caucasian male patient who was actually transferred here from another hospital.
• Bariatric enema (Every nurse’s nightmare)

Follow me on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:

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It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
• Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
• Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
• I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
• He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
• Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
• Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
• ROS: Neurological – no ambition
• Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
• Old Timer’s
• Oldheimer’s
• Discharge Diagnosis: Viral bacterial pneumonia
• Seashore disorder (We medical-types call them ‘seizures’)
• Chief Complaint: Responsive
• Admission diagnosis: Seizurettes (We medical-types call them ‘girly man seizures’)
• History of bipolar diarrhea (You should see the manic phase)
• Failure to dehydrate
• He could not stop vomiting diarreah
• Electric lytes
• Cardiac capitalization
• Follow up with vascular urine
• Increased aggitation to sedation
• Height: 163cm, Weight: 10.3Kg, BMI 3
• We did not repeat an EKG because we have an EF from a month ago.
• history of peripheral vascular disease in both lungs
• She has a drug addition problem (1 dose of painkillers = 2 dilaudids, 2 percocets, & a sniff o’ glue)
• O2 sat: 110% on room air
• His culture grew citrus bacteria
• Nosacomical pneumonia (Not so ‘comical’ to the hospital bean counters)
• A chest CT on the 10th was negative for intracranial hemorrhage
• Europathy (Thankfully, President Bush is recovering… after those Freedom Biotics)

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The response to our Chart Farts ® collection has not abated… (and we love it, keep it comin’).

This time we take a look at an ultra-important diagnosis from a Core Measures, CMS reimbursement, and readmission rate perspective… and that is congestive heart failure. You would think that with so much attention put to documenting what we do with CHF patients, that there would be very few Chart Farts® associated with it. Actually, it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Here’s the latest…

Again… our malapropisms all come from real hospital or office charts or are uttered by healthcare professionals or patients. We have thousands and each day that list is growing thanks to the sheer number of fans out there, like you, who send them in by email, fax, and even paging me directly.