This is what you get when someone who is poor at taking histories meets a poor historian. Funnies from the medical record.
Personally, I like the part about the chest pain being in his elbow.
For more medical chart bloopers check out ChartFarts.com. You can also submit Chart Farts® to our collection.
As you know from all of the other references on this site and at ChartFarts.com, a chart fart is a medical blooper written or said or entered into a computer by doctors, nurses, techs, patients, etc.
Well, when I was first called about this medical chart blooper, I laughed out loud (real LOL, not just texting it or tweeting it). The attending covering this patient noticed that an intern had written “EKG after each BM” in the admission orders.
I asked him for a copy of it and before receiving the copy, I posted it on Twitter. And as usual, I made a snide comment after it in parentheses. I said “If you really want to tick off the nurses, order that with some kayaxelate”.
Well, here’s the original order…
… complete with the kayaxelate order… Doh!
As with most journalism, for the moment, we’re all gonna have to say “Screw HIPAA”… GiggleMed.com has come across some disturbing medical records from one of the world’s most well-known personalities:
Let’s take a look to see some of the highlights (er, lowlights) from this man’s medical profile.
Obesity: January 3rd, 2001, Kris Kringle (his alias, I suppose) went to see his PCP, Dr. Klump, and is told he needs to lose at least fifty pounds to be within a safe weight range.
Diabetes: December 20th, 2004, Dr. Klump runs some tests and determines that Kris has very high blood sugar levels. The doctor urges him to be good this holiday season, and not indulge on snacks loaded with carbohydrates. On December 26th, 2004, Kris was admitted to the hospital after a night of cookie eating, complaining of dizziness.
Sleep Apnea: Mrs. Kringle calls Dr. Klump on March 15th, 2005 and asks what can be done about her husband’s snoring, as it worsens in his ‘off-season’. She noticed that during the snoring episodes, Kris stops breathing for a bit, and then resumes. She also reports him frequently “falling asleep at the reins”. The doctor advises that Mr. Kringle needs to lose wait, as he was instructed last year.
COPD/Emphysema: December 26th, 2005, Kris Kringle complains of coughing up excessive sputum. Dr. Klump vehemently suggests that climbing into chimneys and unnecessarily inhaling chimney soot is probably not the best thing for him to do. Kris also confesses to smoking a pipe almost every day for about ten years. Dr. Klump encourages smoking cessation and to consider home O2, but Mr. Kringle refuses, saying that the cord would slow him down. “Ho, ho… You don’t have a tube long enough, Doc.”
Chronic Back Pain: Kris returns to the office six days later because he has been experiencing sharp back pains for the past several months. He states they’ve become worse in the past few days. Dr. Klump reminds Mr. Kringle again that excessive weight is one of the main contributors to his chronic back problems. Weight loss is recommended for the third time, and he suggests using a lifting belt for heavy items, or receiving help from his ‘little assistants at the office’.
DVT: On December 27th, 2006, Mr. Kringle shows Dr. Klump extensive redness on his legs and calf tenderness. Upon examination, the doctor suggests that Kris spread his travel out over a period of a few weeks. Also, he questions why Mr. Kringle refuses to get a roomier sleigh.
Sacral Decub: Mr. Kringle is driven to Dr. Klump’s office by his wife on July 15th, 2007. He refuses to sit in the waiting room, opting instead to stand. Mrs. Kringle informs Dr. Klump that Kris has not left the bed very much since January, and he spends much of his days watching his It’s A Wonderful Life special edition DVD. He has a stage two bed sore. Dr. Klump sends Mrs. Kringle home with Desitin and DuoDerm patches, and reminds Mrs. Kringle that he grows tired of recommending physical activity to Kris.
Urinary Retention: Dr. Klump performs a checkup on Kris on June 20th, 2008, and needs a urine sample to check on Mr. Kringle’s diabetes. Mr. Kringle stated that he could not urinate because it hadn’t been a full twenty-four hours yet. Apparently, he had trained his bladder to hold a full days’ worth of urine. Dr. Klump advised that Mr. Kringle needed to void every few hours to prevent serious kidney problems and bladder infection. “Can’t you just give me one of them catheter tubes?”
Alcoholism: Dr. Klump had asked Kris to return the next day to provide the urine sample and some blood tests, and he obliged. Dr. Klump noted the high ethanol levels in the blood. He rationalized that those sweet rosy cheeks were not just a result of blushing or cold weather. He called Mr. Kringle to urge him to lay off the booze, especially this holiday season.
A Host of Psychopathologies: Though up to this point Dr. Klump had entertained most of Mr. Kringle’s delusions, he became quite concerned when Mrs. Kringle called in early December of 2008. Apparently, Kris had been roaming around the house, mumbling something about a red lightbulb. He was later discovered in the forest preserve, fitting a buck with man-made antlers.
Mrs. Kringle later confessed that Kris had spent some time in an institution, but for insurance purposes, used a different name. Upon further investigation, Dr. Klump uncovered a long profile for a patient named Babbo Natale, a.k.a. Kris Kringle.
Apparently, “Babbo” had been arrested for breaking into homes, and leaving gifts around the home, both wanted and unwanted. The charges were later dropped since nothing had been taken, save for a few cookies and carrots, but admission to a facility was recommended. While undergoing treatment, Babbo/Kris became nervous around October because nothing was getting done, as he kept repeating to himself. In his room, sketches of toys were found all over. Babbo was released the following year but not without leaving his mark. Staff reported that from February until September, he would sit in his room and cry, and in November, he became violent, yelling for someone to notify the elves that they were on their own this year.
Sources reveal that, today, upon glancing at his calendar, Dr. Klump shuddered as he saw the date December 22nd staring back at him. He packed up his house and his office, and moved far, far away.
Hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics) – it’s time for another dose… Worth revisiting some from prior posts. All of these funny medical malapropisms come from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)
Follow me on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:
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Share any medical chart funnies you’ve seen with thousands of other GiggleMed readers, and I’ll give you a gift… Once you submit an original chart fart™, you’ll be redirected to your bribe free gift… a funny medical humor PDF download about all the signs that shouldn’t eat the hospital food.
I just posted a new Chart Farts® video on YouTube…
It has all of the usual (hilarious) samples from the Chart Farts® collection… but this one has a twist at the end that will cause a small subset of you will wet yourself when you see it. The rest of you will just wonder… WTF? (hint: you have to be older than 30 to get it… or have some weird fascination with watching re-runs of old, 1980s sitcoms)
In any case, the Joint Commission won’t like it…
But hey, I laugh at doctor jokes… nurses laugh at nurse jokes…
(: medicine is fun again :)
It’s time for another flatus hiatus…
You’ve come to know Chart Fart Art™ – Here’s another medical malapropism from the Chart Farts® collection that we’ve made into a comic… This one happens to be one of the most oft-repeated chart farts® by patients and their families (just after “gouch”, “chicken pops”, and “cadillacs”). “Fireballs in the uterus” is not only said very often, but it also occasionally appears on ER triage sheets… Some have mentioned the “Fireballs in the Eucharist” quote, but I haven’t heard this one first hand… yet.
As I reflect on “fireballs”, I think… man… that’s gotta hurt. Especially in the uterus. So, to make myself think of more pleasant thoughts, I’m toying with the idea for a new medical musical group… how about “Flaming Placentas”?
… No. Too soon.
Anyway, if you want to let us know how you feel about GiggleMed.com and ChartFarts.com, here’s a way to tell us: Tell Us How You Feel and Get A Free Gift…
Medical humor comes in all forms. And we love most of it… but the funniest of all medical humor seems to be that stuff that is real, and at the same time embarrassing, yet harmless. Chart Farts® are just that…
Medical malapropisms that were really put on charts or said by health practitioners or patients… And with the exception of an occasional reader becoming incontinent, no one was hurt by the error.
Here’s Chart Farts ® Issue #2 posted on YouTube…
There are many ways for you to enjoy Chart Farts®
It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics)… Here’s another group of funny medical malapropisms for you. All of these are from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)
Follow me on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:
Click the Twitter button above… or, better yet, Follow me and retweet all with one click with Viral Tweets below…
Before getting to this comic… I have to just take a moment and say THANK YOU. The feedback all of you have been sending in has been overwhelming. It is truly appreciated and it is that kind of stuff that keeps us going :) In case you want to let us know how you feel about our sites, here’s the link again: Tell Us How You Feel and Get A Free Gift…
Anyway, it’s time for another flatus hiatus…
You’ve come to know Chart Fart Art™ by now, I’m sure. We take a medical malapropism from the Chart Farts® collection and make it into a comic. Here’s the latest…
If I were an insurance company… I’d be pissed.
