Funny and embarrassing stories abound in the healthcare professions. Although most happen to us when we are interns or nursing students or new to a particular location, they can happen at any time… and always when you least expect them.

Many of you have already found the “Stories” button in the menu across the top of this blog. But for those of you who didn’t, the graphic below has a not-so-subtle black arrow pointing to the link.

Anyway, here’s a recent submission. This one comes from “MM”, a med-surg nurse… I call it “Sage Advice to the Legless”:

When I was in nursing school another nursing student and I were giving our first bedbath to a patient that was a bilateral AKA.When we had finished his bath we pulled his sheet up and asked if he’d like his blanket as well. The patient said he didn’t care if we pulled the blanket up or not. My classmate covered him with the blanket saying if you don’t want it you can kick it off.

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Medical humor comes in all forms. And we love most of it… but the funniest of all medical humor seems to be that stuff that is real, and at the same time embarrassing, yet harmless. Chart Farts® are just that…

Medical malapropisms that were really put on charts or said by health practitioners or patients… And with the exception of an occasional reader becoming incontinent, no one was hurt by the error.

Here’s Chart Farts ® Issue #2 posted on YouTube…

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• Chart Farts homepage
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• Funny Healthcare Videos on YouTube
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It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics)… Here’s another group of funny medical malapropisms for you. All of these are from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Analpril 1.25mg Q8hrs (Is that for hyper-sphincter-tension?)
• Nasal packaging
• Nasal fungal cream
• He lives with his finance (So… are you thinking about your patient or the stock market?)
• Retrocele (Now in paisley!)
• Secular aneurysm (Will need intervention from the Surgical Right)
• She is on 93 Liters of oxygen (All of the latest hospital facilities come with wind tunnels)
• Wingworms (Sounds like something from the Princess Bride)
• Bypolor
• He has recently been on both aspirin, Plavix, prednisone, and Coumadin
• “Pain med: “”given”" Where/route: “”in room”" (Well… Thank you Nurse Sherlock)
• Breeding ulcer (No comment… uh… ok, one comment… We should discuss strategies on lower k values.)
• ROS: Unobtainable secondary to patient’s mental status change and I am unable to follow commands. (I bet)
• Chief complaint: Clogged tube (You’re gonna have to be a little more specific)
• Chief complaint: uncontrollable bowel movement (Like that damn pink little bunny with the drums)
• Uncontrolled left labrial cellulitis
• Buttock, lower back, and neck pain from assa (I’m not quite sure what assa is, but it should probably be taken off of the market)
• Chief complaint: Debility
• Pericardial tachycardia
• Reason for ER visit: Dates and anatomy (Dude, now that’s high risk behavior if I ever heard it)
• History of psychoptosis (Doesn’t it sorta suck when your brain explodes?)
• History of bump bleedin
• chronic obesity (As opposed to the much more shocking acute form)
• Will sue high dose furosemide to force diuresis
• Hide-a-scan
• Bi geminis (Not that there’s anything wrong with that… at least if your EF is okay)
• History of grouch in my feet (Grouch, gouch, the gout… it’s all the same)
• Mr. H is an 823-year old Caucasian male patient who was actually transferred here from another hospital.
• Bariatric enema (Every nurse’s nightmare)

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It’s time for a mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Can you control your urine? Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Psychiatric Admission Diagnosis: Screamer
• He demonstrated a 9 kilogram weight loss with corresponding diuresis
• Patient sees his urologist for prosthetic enlargement
• a trail of morphine
• Admission Diagnosis: Diagnosis needed
• LE tenderness was solicitable by palpation
• Hx of lung fibroids
• Pain under left breath
• Estimated RV pressure 335mmHg
• Angina with prior myocardial infarction s/p myocardial infarction
• Medicine consult: I will be happy to follow the patient with you on my service.
• Nutrition note: Pt eating 0-100% of renal diet.
• intermittent heart beat
• History of high cholesterol 6 months for which he takes once a day cholesterol.
• He is followed by a GERD doctor.
• This is a 54 YO white African American
• Nephrology recommended dietary restriction of urine protein and creatinine.

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It’s time for a mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers… Here’s another set of medical malapropisms for you snicker about. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• I cannot say this with one thousand percent supremacy
• She has not had any suicidal ideation, yet has prayed that Gold may just take her.
• Check abd XRay Fat & Upright
• For low sodium, he will be kept on fluid restriction. He is also on IV hydration. Therefore, he will be kept on fluid restriction and diuretics
• Eurosepsis
• She goes for an annual left breast lumpectomy
• Chief complaint: Overpornation
• Chief complaint: Dating anatomy
• COPD exasperation
• Prostatic mitral valve
• Review of Systems is notable for partial hospitalization
• Tridil stopped because of chest pain
• Order: please DC pt home after dinner paperwork is in chart
• Protein-pump inhibitors
• Diabetes type II treated with metformin and hypercholesterolemia
• Multivitamins coronary artery disease
• Non-sustained cardiac awareness
• Reakness
• In response to a question about foreign travel: I’ve been to Florida and Las Vegas
• No ambulation because the site is on a cocktail of drips
• Antiphylaxis with cephalosporins
• Amarosis fungus R eye
• Chief Complaint: swallowed ear
• OD – took 40 bills

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We’re midway through another month… so here are some more funny charting errors for you giggle about. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• This patient would be a good candidate to be killed in PT
• Allergies: Cinglair
• Code was called for patient being found acystic
• Patient gets dilutional on Paxil
• He was told to have a heart attack in 1984. Subsequently he was treated with some pills for about a month or two by his family doctor.
• RN note: Large BM noted, Stage 2 stool noted left cheek
• blindness and depression in the left eye
• Order: Patient may go off floor to linen sale with sitter
• Allergies: statins – severe leg crap
• V tabulation
• Admission diagnosis: hyperglycemia, peeing over 5 minutes
• Please remove Foley at 6am. Notify urology if patient has not voided in 6 months.
• heroic vomiting
• parentinitis
• Chief complaint: kidney attack
• I immediately assisted the patient while lying supine on the floor
• high caliber stool
• He has 2 brothers who are hospital healthy
• surgery for very close veins
• chest pain, but only when he walks in Wal-Mart

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There are lots of ways for you to go through the thousands of Chart Farts® available from GiggleMed.com… there’s a Chart Farts® email list, a Chart Farts® web page, several articles, Chart Farts® Twitter posts (tweets), and even Chart Farts® shirts, mugs, and gifts.

The following is a story submitted to GiggleMed’s Embarrassing Stories:

(East Coast, US) I’m a Physician Assistant for an open heart surgery program. I am primarily responsible for the workups before people go to the OR. As part of the workups, I have to check patients’ teeth before they have valve surgery – since bad teeth and gums can become a source of bacteremia.

Anyway, because of the timing of the transfers into our hospital, it is often quite late that I have to call the oral surgeon for a consult. And he lives about 40 minutes away.

The other night, I called him at about 6:30 PM, well after his office hours were over, for a patient with particularly disgusting teeth… They were broken, looked like they hadn’t been brushed in several months, with chunks and assorted color smudges all over them.

The oral surgeon obliged and came in that night for the consult… only to call me at around 8:00 to tell me that the guy had dentures. He said, “I came here to remove some teeth, do you want me to remove his dentures?”

(Got an embarrassing moment you want to tell us about? Send it to funnystuff[at]gigglemed.com or post a comment on our Embarrassing Stories page. Keep it clean, though.)

We all need a break from the stresses of work in the health care industry or the difficulties in facing serious illness as a patient or family member. Here’s a free service that provides unique Chart Farts® directly to your email – once every two weeks. Sign up for You’ve Got Chart Farts®! today. They’ll all be left wondering why you are smiling. Tell ‘em that it’s not gas. Tell ‘em that (: medicine is fun again :) ™.

Here’s a small sample:

• “We will watch her diarrhea closely”… (Whatever floats your boat, Doc.)
• “He denies any rectal breeding”… (How in the world did they ask about that?)
• On discharge instructions: “Drink plenty of urine”… (More proof that hospital food should be avoided at all costs.)
• Indication for flex sig – “blood when whipping himself”… (If you bleed when you do that, then don’t do that.)
• Order “Please feed patient only when awake.”… (I’m glad that that’s clarified.)

• “The patient will remain hospitalized until the day of discharge”… (A lifetime of schooling to get a knack for the obvious.)
• “He had surgery for an unbiblical hernia”… (Prophesied in the scrolls of old.)
• “Seashore disorder”… (That would be “seizure”. I’m sure you learned about seizures in nursing school.)
• and much more…

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