Chart Farts ®

Medical errors aren’t supposed to be funny, right?

Wrong. is the home of funny medical charting errors, or chart farts®. A chart fart™ is a medical blooper of diction. Chart farts ® may come from patients or their families mispronouncing medical terms or from actual health care professionals who write, dictate, or transcribe these medical malapropisms in hospital charts.

Chart Farts® are Medical Malapropisms from Actual Hospital Charts

Though you may find the word “fart” inappropriate or crude, we feel that no English word better describes the manner in which a chart fart punctuates the flow of reading a professional medical document. contains thousands of original chart farts collected over a period of years. Here is a small sample of our collection:

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  • “unresponsive and in no distress”
  • “nonverbal, noncommunicative and offers no complaints”
  • “irregular heart failure”
  • “The need to maintain dialogue with the family regarding the appropriatenss of limiting futile care to the patient is noted”
  • “his Hct is stable but dropping”
  • “I don’t want to be incubated again”
  • Indication for CXR – “coffee bean emesis”
  • “increased worriation”
  • “V/Q scan was positive for low probability”
  • “pt was apprehended and guarded”
  • “pulses are fixed and dilated”
  • in asking about code status – “do you want your wife to receive artificial insemination”
  • “Findings compatible with ileus. Bladder is still in colon”
  • “be sure to check eyes and nose” (Is and Os)
  • “unemployed cashier”
  • Reason for leaving AMA – “pt wants to live”
  • “I had a kiwi on my chest” (keloid)
  • “dictated home O2, transcribed homo too”
  • “I have hemorrhoids & the Fitzgeralds”
  • “that bacterial virus is a doozy”
  • “noncompliant smoker”
  • “homodynamic compromise”
  • “denies any rectal breeding”
  • Indication for an EGD (written by a physician) – “stomach hurt, swallow face in the morning, her poop is black & diabetes”
  • “spucus”
  • “fireballs in the uterus”
  • Reason for office visit – “F\U chest rumbles”
  • “partial TAH”
  • Nursing notes in the ICU – “MD @ bedside attempted to urinate”
  • “titrate Tridil to pain”
  • Indication for flex sig – “blood when whipping himself”
  • “chicken pops”
  • “if she wants children, think about recommending birth control pills”
  • “polynephritis”
  • “holy systolic murmur”
  • “pt expired and was dc’d home”
  • “Pt has looked cachectic for the past 3 days”
  • “She diuresed pretty well. I gave her 40 of Lasix and she put out 2000 liters.”
  • “My back has been hurting ever since they gave me that cauterizer.” (Foley catheter)
  • discharge dx=nephrolithiasis; discharge instructions=”drink plenty of urine”
  • “Her CHF got much better with diaphoresis”
  • “She did not lose control of her rectum”
  • Plan – “gently dehydrate”
  • “allergic to Sulpher”
  • “platelets 1889 – dx thrombocytopenia”
  • “essentially tremors”
  • “nursing home called for pt acting lethargic”
  • “microalbumin anemia”
  • “pt is 95% blind”
  • chief complaint – “bazaar behavior”
  • “GERP”
  • “depakote shot for pain”
  • “albeauty inhaler”
  • “I follow him for his paranoia”
  • “We will watch her diarrhea closely”
  • NH order – “check pulse everyday”
  • allergies – “yes”
  • “They took a 50 cent piece out of my colon” (hemicolectomy)
  • “She has encephalitis of her right leg.”
  • “It has been decided to stop Vancomycin IV since we would need a PICC line and the patient, like many people who have PICC lines might pull the line out.”
  • “The surgical team was contracted for a cecal mass.”
  • “I need a colectomy because I have pollen in my colon.”
  • “This is a 981 YO female with a host of medical problems.”
  • “The patient is actually a fairly reliable historian.”
  • “hyperglycemia toe”
  • “brachycardia”
  • order – “DC home when strong”
  • “pt was given a banana bath”
  • “acid peptic disease”
  • “The patient is difficult historian. The question is as to what is going on with the patient.”
  • “This is a 75 YO type 2 hypertensive”
  • Order “Please feed patient only when awake.”
  • “Check orthostasis while on the floor”
  • “She is to wear STD stockings”
  • Order “aspiration prophylaxis”
  • Order “PT/OT eval STAT”
  • “nonaudible wheezing noted”
  • When asked if she had a discharge, the patient said “No, but I have Blue Cross Blue Shield.”
  • “Yes, I just met the Infectious Waste doctor.”
  • Nurse to doctor: “I just want to let you know that this lady has had decreased urinary intake.” (Doctor aware)
  • “He is allergic to wives.”
  • “No clubbing, cyanois, or extremities.”
  • “Renal insufficiency. IV Lasix was used to perfuse the kidney.”
  • order: “Incentive spriometry Q 1 hour until awake.”
  • “fibromyalgia rheumatica”
  • “Pleasant man lying comfortably in bed. Appears somewhat uncomfortable”
  • “Her stomach showed 3+ edema up to the knees.”
  • “Will hold glyburide for now because of reverse hypoglycemia.”
  • “pneumonia left femur”
  • “2-4 packs of whiskey QD”
  • “Pt is on clonidine, not”

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