If you’re not following @GiggleMed on Twitter, you are missing out on a series of hilarious medical humor tweets – Hospital Hallway Funnies.

It all started with a committee meeting when I heard another physician say, “As far as I’m concerned, the doctors shouldn’t have to do anything.” I wrote that statement down and put it on my desk…

I have since collected hundreds of quotes… specifically, quotes heard in the hospital that, without context, could be quite humorous. Here’s a recent sample from my Twitter posts:

Does the threat of a Joint Commission visit have your organization in a panic? Well, don’t worry… just check in with GiggleMed.com’s TJC Accredit-8-Ball™. Click and briefly hold the mouse down to give the ball a good roll. The Accredit-8-Ball™ will give you an idea of where your organization stands with Joint Commission.

Find out now… just give it a click (you need Flash to be able to see this doo-hickey).

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DISCLAIMER: This site has no formal association with the Joint Commission. Your use of the Accredit-8-Ball™ in no way predicts success or failure with your Joint Commission surveys. Actually, trusting the results of the Accredit-8-Ball™ is highly associated with loss of accreditation.

The appropriate use of medical humor could (and should) have an important role in medical education and public awareness. And although I do think everyone’s going a little overboard with their worries about H1N1, I applaud the effort of the United States Department of Health and Human Services in soliciting the public’s help in alerting the public on the importance of washing hands. The 2009 Flu Prevention PSA Contest had over 200 entries this month – some funny, some serious.

On September 22nd at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius announced the winner of the H1N1 Public Service Announcement Contest. Congratulations to Dr. Clarke of Baldwin, New York for his winning video H1N1 Rap. You can see his video here:

Dr. Clarke… if you’re reading this… First, great job on the video… Second, some advice… if you make a video for Prostate Cancer Awareness Month, then be sure to lose the hand gestures.

The top ten videos from the contest can be found at Flu.gov.

Also, check out Dr. John Clarke’s Health Hop® Music for some pretty awesome CDs for your patients and their families.

Medical education and humor… funny video where a German physician demonstrates cardiac rhythms through dance.

He’ll probably need to see ortho after those bundle branch blocks. Check it out.

For those of you following @GiggleMed on Twitter, you may have noticed a new series of medical humor tweets that has emerged.

It all started with a committee meeting when I heard another physician say, “As far as I’m concerned, the doctors shouldn’t have to do anything.” I wrote that statement down and put it on my desk…

Over time, more quotes were added… specifically, quotes heard in the hospital that, without context, could be quite humorous. Well, here’s a sample of some of those hospital hallway funnies (with my comments in parentheses):

You might wonder what in the world this has to do with medical humor… but it’s too darn cute not to include.

Besides, if you think about it… toilets, kids, family meetings, death… all medically related…

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
• Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
• Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
• I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
• He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
• Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
• Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
• ROS: Neurological – no ambition
• Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
• Old Timer’s
• Oldheimer’s
• Discharge Diagnosis: Viral bacterial pneumonia
• Seashore disorder (We medical-types call them ‘seizures’)
• Chief Complaint: Responsive
• Admission diagnosis: Seizurettes (We medical-types call them ‘girly man seizures’)
• History of bipolar diarrhea (You should see the manic phase)
• Failure to dehydrate
• He could not stop vomiting diarreah
• Electric lytes
• Cardiac capitalization
• Follow up with vascular urine
• Increased aggitation to sedation
• Height: 163cm, Weight: 10.3Kg, BMI 3
• We did not repeat an EKG because we have an EF from a month ago.
• history of peripheral vascular disease in both lungs
• She has a drug addition problem (1 dose of painkillers = 2 dilaudids, 2 percocets, & a sniff o’ glue)
• O2 sat: 110% on room air
• His culture grew citrus bacteria
• Nosacomical pneumonia (Not so ‘comical’ to the hospital bean counters)
• A chest CT on the 10th was negative for intracranial hemorrhage
• Europathy (Thankfully, President Bush is recovering… after those Freedom Biotics)

Follow me on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:

OK, this isn’t a very long post… and it’s certainly not a usual GiggleMed-style medical humor post.

Instead, let’s call it a proposal. In light of all of the patients I have seen in the hospital with “shortness of breath” as their primary presenting symptom, I think it’s time for a new diagnosis… a new disorder… a new classification.

I really think doing so will help with complex Joint Commission issues, throughput, ER overcrowding, coding confusion and more. It will help admitting physicians, ER attendings, EMTs, and interns and residents.

So, here’s my proposal:

This will allow ER doctors and admitting physicians to prescribe the “Shortness of Breath Shot Gun” with no qualms at all… no need for elaborate, detailed histories… a quick, selective “physical exam” will be all that is needed. The pre-printed orderset will be a snap… a Treatment Trifecta:

A separate pathway for dialysis patients can include HD instead of diuretics.

Think how easy an admission would be.

And now, I’m working on the ultimate combo-pill… I was thinking that subspecialty services like heart failure, orthopedics, open heart surgery, and any other protocol-driven service could have one monster combination medicine… complete with each med written on the usual protocol… all delivered via patented, time-release capsules…

I imagine such a med would be so large that it would have to be delivered as a suppository…

That’s it! The Protocol Pellet ™

I don’t eat there often, but this most recent trip to McDonalds with my family was not without humor. My wife came prepared with green leafy vegetables and tomatoes… and me?… well I came prepared with a Flip Mino HD video camera and some pens.

Here’s the result…

Tony Below-Knee is a GiggleMed character whose name is derived from the GiggleMed authors’ favorite medical chart malapropism (chart fart)… “Baloney amputation”. Tony Below-Knee is a puppet made from a sock. His name is “Tony”, thus the voice.

Yes, there’s still some nerd in me. And that side of me came out when I was reading this list of “Silly Named Molecules”. This document is long, but it is conveniently broken down into sections for each substance. Just read the funny names of these compounds and molecules. Then read through the ones that interest you.

I’m sure most of you will read the sections on “Arsole”, “Fartox”, and “SnOT”, but I also got a kick out of “Betweenanine”, “Complicatic acid”, “Constipatic acid”, “Piano stool”, “Ptelefolone”, and, of course, “the Nano-Putians”.