Medical humor comes in all forms. And we love most of it… but the funniest of all medical humor seems to be that stuff that is real, and at the same time embarrassing, yet harmless. Chart Farts® are just that…

Medical malapropisms that were really put on charts or said by health practitioners or patients… And with the exception of an occasional reader becoming incontinent, no one was hurt by the error.

Here’s Chart Farts ® Issue #2 posted on YouTube…

There are many ways for you to enjoy Chart Farts®

• Chart Farts homepage
• Chart Farts Blog Posts – GiggleMed’s “chart farts” category for blog posts
• Chart Fart Art Posts – GiggleMed’s “chart farts” put to funny healthcare comics
• Medical Humor Tweets – Follow @GiggleMed on Twitter
• Funny Healthcare Videos on YouTube
• Medical Malapropisms on Squidoo
• Chart Farts Gifts – funny gifts – hats, mugs, stickers, bags, t-shirts, and more
• Chart Farts are also available in fortune cookies for large events… soon to opened up to everyone, even as single gifts

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics)… Here’s another group of funny medical malapropisms for you. All of these are from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Analpril 1.25mg Q8hrs (Is that for hyper-sphincter-tension?)
• Nasal packaging
• Nasal fungal cream
• He lives with his finance (So… are you thinking about your patient or the stock market?)
• Retrocele (Now in paisley!)
• Secular aneurysm (Will need intervention from the Surgical Right)
• She is on 93 Liters of oxygen (All of the latest hospital facilities come with wind tunnels)
• Wingworms (Sounds like something from the Princess Bride)
• Bypolor
• He has recently been on both aspirin, Plavix, prednisone, and Coumadin
• “Pain med: “”given”" Where/route: “”in room”" (Well… Thank you Nurse Sherlock)
• Breeding ulcer (No comment… uh… ok, one comment… We should discuss strategies on lower k values.)
• ROS: Unobtainable secondary to patient’s mental status change and I am unable to follow commands. (I bet)
• Chief complaint: Clogged tube (You’re gonna have to be a little more specific)
• Chief complaint: uncontrollable bowel movement (Like that damn pink little bunny with the drums)
• Uncontrolled left labrial cellulitis
• Buttock, lower back, and neck pain from assa (I’m not quite sure what assa is, but it should probably be taken off of the market)
• Chief complaint: Debility
• Pericardial tachycardia
• Reason for ER visit: Dates and anatomy (Dude, now that’s high risk behavior if I ever heard it)
• History of psychoptosis (Doesn’t it sorta suck when your brain explodes?)
• History of bump bleedin
• chronic obesity (As opposed to the much more shocking acute form)
• Will sue high dose furosemide to force diuresis
• Hide-a-scan
• Bi geminis (Not that there’s anything wrong with that… at least if your EF is okay)
• History of grouch in my feet (Grouch, gouch, the gout… it’s all the same)
• Mr. H is an 823-year old Caucasian male patient who was actually transferred here from another hospital.
• Bariatric enema (Every nurse’s nightmare)

Follow me on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:

Click the Twitter button above… or, better yet, Follow me and retweet all with one click with Viral Tweets below…

Next week is National Nurses Week.  Now I hope you’re prepared… Many of you will see some horrendous  “gifts” given by hospitals to the nursing staff.  To preempt these Nurses Week gift atrocities, here is a list of gifts you really should never give to a nurse on Nurses Week… actually, ever:

1 – An engraved bed pan

2 – Breath mints packaged in cute little specimen cups

3 – An ink stamper that reads: “Verbal order. Repeated and read back.”

4 – A coffee mug for the nurse’s station that reads: “JCAHO Schmayko”

5 – A coupon for free biohazzard tattoos

6 – The unveiling of yet another form for nurses to fill out “to make things easier”

7 – Buttons that read: “Doctor’s Little Helper”

Post some real-life ridiculous gifts you’ve seen in the comments below.

Watch for awesome freebies coming on Monday, May 4th for you to give away to your nursing friends and colleagues… just to say thanks during Nurses Week.

Before getting to this comic… I have to just take a moment and say THANK YOU. The feedback all of you have been sending in has been overwhelming. It is truly appreciated and it is that kind of stuff that keeps us going :) In case you want to let us know how you feel about our sites, here’s the link again: Tell Us How You Feel and Get A Free Gift…

Anyway, it’s time for another flatus hiatus…

You’ve come to know Chart Fart Art™ by now, I’m sure. We take a medical malapropism from the Chart Farts® collection and make it into a comic. Here’s the latest…

If I were an insurance company… I’d be pissed.

OK. You might think this is cheesy. But I’m going to issue a blatant free bribe… Here it goes: I will give you the funny report/download 25 Things You Never Want To Hear During a Disimpaction if you just tell me one of two things…

1 – Give me feedback on the GiggleMed sites – good or bad – just tell me what you think.

or

2 – Tell me a funny healthcare story… anything that happened to you or a colleague.

That’s it. Not too bad, huh? I mean, does it get any better than this? You tell me how much you love my stuff and I send you a free disimpaction manual. Even though I’m totally deceiving you with the picture having a spiral bound manual, you still know this is a sweet deal. So hop to it. Laughter is the best laxative (that’s how it goes, right?).

Certainly a disimpaction manual is better than a manual disimpaction.

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
• Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
• Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
• I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
• He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
• Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
• Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
• ROS: Neurological – no ambition
• Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
• Old Timer’s
• Oldheimer’s
• Discharge Diagnosis: Viral bacterial pneumonia
• Seashore disorder (We medical-types call them ‘seizures’)
• Chief Complaint: Responsive
• Admission diagnosis: Seizurettes (We medical-types call them ‘girly man seizures’)
• History of bipolar diarrhea (You should see the manic phase)
• Failure to dehydrate
• He could not stop vomiting diarreah
• Electric lytes
• Cardiac capitalization
• Follow up with vascular urine
• Increased aggitation to sedation
• Height: 163cm, Weight: 10.3Kg, BMI 3
• We did not repeat an EKG because we have an EF from a month ago.
• history of peripheral vascular disease in both lungs
• She has a drug addition problem (1 dose of painkillers = 2 dilaudids, 2 percocets, & a sniff o’ glue)
• O2 sat: 110% on room air
• His culture grew citrus bacteria
• Nosacomical pneumonia (Not so ‘comical’ to the hospital bean counters)
• A chest CT on the 10th was negative for intracranial hemorrhage
• Europathy (Thankfully, President Bush is recovering… after those Freedom Biotics)

Follow me on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:

The response to our Chart Farts ® collection continues to be overwhelming… Tons of funny submissions, words of appreciation, and even a question or two from a rare disbeliever.

All of our Chart Farts® are original and all are actual malapropisms found in charts, uttered by healthcare professionals, or said by patients. Chart Fart Art ™ is simply one of these funny malapropisms put to comics. We have chosen some of our favorite chart bloopers from our Chart Farts ® collection and made corresponding healthcare funnies.

Here’s the latest…

… watching diarrhea is probably better than watching paint dry… well… if you’re into that sort of thing. (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

It’s time for a mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Can you control your urine? Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Psychiatric Admission Diagnosis: Screamer
• He demonstrated a 9 kilogram weight loss with corresponding diuresis
• Patient sees his urologist for prosthetic enlargement
• a trail of morphine
• Admission Diagnosis: Diagnosis needed
• LE tenderness was solicitable by palpation
• Hx of lung fibroids
• Pain under left breath
• Estimated RV pressure 335mmHg
• Angina with prior myocardial infarction s/p myocardial infarction
• Medicine consult: I will be happy to follow the patient with you on my service.
• Nutrition note: Pt eating 0-100% of renal diet.
• intermittent heart beat
• History of high cholesterol 6 months for which he takes once a day cholesterol.
• He is followed by a GERD doctor.
• This is a 54 YO white African American
• Nephrology recommended dietary restriction of urine protein and creatinine.

Get hilarious Chart Farts® on Twitter:

Medical malapropisms are bloopers of medical jargon. We call them Chart Farts ® – a term GiggleMed coined to capture the way a malapropism can punctuate a serious moment in healthcare. When doctors or nurses are taking a history, when reading through the medical record, and even when professionals are discussing their work. We all make mistakes, but sometimes (even in normally serious times) these medical errors can be quite funny. We have recorded thousands of them. All real stuff, all real charts.

Here’s an introduction to Chart Farts ® we posted on YouTube…

Yes, there’s still some nerd in me. And that side of me came out when I was reading this list of “Silly Named Molecules”. This document is long, but it is conveniently broken down into sections for each substance. Just read the funny names of these compounds and molecules. Then read through the ones that interest you.

I’m sure most of you will read the sections on “Arsole”, “Fartox”, and “SnOT”, but I also got a kick out of “Betweenanine”, “Complicatic acid”, “Constipatic acid”, “Piano stool”, “Ptelefolone”, and, of course, “the Nano-Putians”.