Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water…

I thought this was a pretty good recovery on the part of the news program… just go with it… you make a blooper, laugh about it. (Obviously you wouldn’t if anyone were hurt, but there were no damages from this earthquake… fortunately).

Dude… not how I’d want to be remembered…

I was looking up “hemoccult stool” in Google Images for my next blog post, and this guy was on page 2.

Hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics) - it’s time for another dose… Worth revisiting some from prior posts. All of these funny medical malapropisms come from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Chief complaint: stomach blotting (I don’t know what you’re complaining about… there are times where blotting may be appropriate.)
• Order: Check Billy Reuben (Well, where the heck is he?!)
• Chief complaint: Possible infected rig (If you’re calling it a “rig”, it’s probably infected.)
• Cronnies disease (Much higher incidence in hospital administrators, by the way.)
• Regurgitated heart valves (The most unique party trick I’ve seen in years.)
• R groin hermitoma (No hermit crabs jokes, please… this is a family blog.)
• Allergies: PCN & aspirin - Meds at home: NPH insulin & aspirin (Let me guess… reason for admission: anaphylaxis.)
• The patient has a long history of smoking. He smoked at least one pack of pulmonary embolisms per day. (Livin’ on the edge… flirting with death.)
• She has a decreased appetite with increased food intake. (OMG! I do too!)
• Afib - likely secondary to tachycardia
• ID recommendations were to preoperatively administer prophylactic antibiotics to protect the hospital from hospital-acquired organisms (Freudian slips from Risk Management.)
• Nurse to husband of a patient with respiratory distress: Do you want Dr Smith to impregnate your wife? (Ummm… no. But how about if Dr Smith intubates my wife.)
• Mr. H complains of PND and a non-productive couch (Couch potatoes all across the country are relieved to discover that their lack of productivity actually comes from the couch, itself.)

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Funny and embarrassing stories abound in the healthcare professions. Although most happen to us when we are interns or nursing students or new to a particular location, they can happen at any time… and always when you least expect them.

Many of you have already found the “Stories” button in the menu across the top of this blog. But for those of you who didn’t, the graphic below has a not-so-subtle black arrow pointing to the link.

Anyway, here’s a recent submission. This one comes from “MM”, a med-surg nurse… I call it “Sage Advice to the Legless”:

When I was in nursing school another nursing student and I were giving our first bedbath to a patient that was a bilateral AKA.When we had finished his bath we pulled his sheet up and asked if he’d like his blanket as well. The patient said he didn’t care if we pulled the blanket up or not. My classmate covered him with the blanket saying if you don’t want it you can kick it off.

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Share any medical chart funnies you’ve seen with thousands of other GiggleMed readers, and I’ll give you a gift… Once you submit an original chart fart™, you’ll be redirected to your bribe free gift… a funny medical humor PDF download about all the signs that shouldn’t eat the hospital food.

I just posted a new Chart Farts® video on YouTube…

It has all of the usual (hilarious) samples from the Chart Farts® collection… but this one has a twist at the end that will cause a small subset of you will wet yourself when you see it. The rest of you will just wonder… WTF? (hint: you have to be older than 30 to get it… or have some weird fascination with watching re-runs of old, 1980s sitcoms)

In any case, the Joint Commission won’t like it…

But hey, I laugh at doctor jokes… nurses laugh at nurse jokes…

(: medicine is fun again :)

It’s time for another flatus hiatus…

You’ve come to know Chart Fart Art™ - Here’s another medical malapropism from the Chart Farts® collection that we’ve made into a comic… This one happens to be one of the most oft-repeated chart farts® by patients and their families (just after “gouch”, “chicken pops”, and “cadillacs”). “Fireballs in the uterus” is not only said very often, but it also occasionally appears on ER triage sheets… Some have mentioned the “Fireballs in the Eucharist” quote, but I haven’t heard this one first hand… yet.

As I reflect on “fireballs”, I think… man… that’s gotta hurt. Especially in the uterus. So, to make myself think of more pleasant thoughts, I’m toying with the idea for a new medical musical group… how about “Flaming Placentas”?

… No. Too soon.

Anyway, if you want to let us know how you feel about GiggleMed.com and ChartFarts.com, here’s a way to tell us: Tell Us How You Feel and Get A Free Gift…

Medical humor comes in all forms. And we love most of it… but the funniest of all medical humor seems to be that stuff that is real, and at the same time embarrassing, yet harmless. Chart Farts® are just that…

Medical malapropisms that were really put on charts or said by health practitioners or patients… And with the exception of an occasional reader becoming incontinent, no one was hurt by the error.

Here’s Chart Farts ® Issue #2 posted on YouTube…

There are many ways for you to enjoy Chart Farts®

• Chart Farts homepage
• Chart Farts Blog Posts - GiggleMed’s “chart farts” category for blog posts
• Chart Fart Art Posts - GiggleMed’s “chart farts” put to funny healthcare comics
• Medical Humor Tweets - Follow @GiggleMed on Twitter
• Funny Healthcare Videos on YouTube
• Medical Malapropisms on Squidoo
• Chart Farts Gifts - funny gifts - hats, mugs, stickers, bags, t-shirts, and more
• Chart Farts are also available in fortune cookies for large events… soon to opened up to everyone, even as single gifts

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics)… Here’s another group of funny medical malapropisms for you. All of these are from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Analpril 1.25mg Q8hrs (Is that for hyper-sphincter-tension?)
• Nasal packaging
• Nasal fungal cream
• He lives with his finance (So… are you thinking about your patient or the stock market?)
• Retrocele (Now in paisley!)
• Secular aneurysm (Will need intervention from the Surgical Right)
• She is on 93 Liters of oxygen (All of the latest hospital facilities come with wind tunnels)
• Wingworms (Sounds like something from the Princess Bride)
• Bypolor
• He has recently been on both aspirin, Plavix, prednisone, and Coumadin
• “Pain med: “”given”" Where/route: “”in room”" (Well… Thank you Nurse Sherlock)
• Breeding ulcer (No comment… uh… ok, one comment… We should discuss strategies on lower k values.)
• ROS: Unobtainable secondary to patient’s mental status change and I am unable to follow commands. (I bet)
• Chief complaint: Clogged tube (You’re gonna have to be a little more specific)
• Chief complaint: uncontrollable bowel movement (Like that damn pink little bunny with the drums)
• Uncontrolled left labrial cellulitis
• Buttock, lower back, and neck pain from assa (I’m not quite sure what assa is, but it should probably be taken off of the market)
• Chief complaint: Debility
• Pericardial tachycardia
• Reason for ER visit: Dates and anatomy (Dude, now that’s high risk behavior if I ever heard it)
• History of psychoptosis (Doesn’t it sorta suck when your brain explodes?)
• History of bump bleedin
• chronic obesity (As opposed to the much more shocking acute form)
• Will sue high dose furosemide to force diuresis
• Hide-a-scan
• Bi geminis (Not that there’s anything wrong with that… at least if your EF is okay)
• History of grouch in my feet (Grouch, gouch, the gout… it’s all the same)
• Mr. H is an 823-year old Caucasian male patient who was actually transferred here from another hospital.
• Bariatric enema (Every nurse’s nightmare)

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Before getting to this comic… I have to just take a moment and say THANK YOU. The feedback all of you have been sending in has been overwhelming. It is truly appreciated and it is that kind of stuff that keeps us going :) In case you want to let us know how you feel about our sites, here’s the link again: Tell Us How You Feel and Get A Free Gift…

Anyway, it’s time for another flatus hiatus…

You’ve come to know Chart Fart Art™ by now, I’m sure. We take a medical malapropism from the Chart Farts® collection and make it into a comic. Here’s the latest…

If I were an insurance company… I’d be pissed.