Before getting to this comic… I have to just take a moment and say THANK YOU. The feedback all of you have been sending in has been overwhelming. It is truly appreciated and it is that kind of stuff that keeps us going :) In case you want to let us know how you feel about our sites, here’s the link again: Tell Us How You Feel and Get A Free Gift…

Anyway, it’s time for another flatus hiatus…

You’ve come to know Chart Fart Art™ by now, I’m sure. We take a medical malapropism from the Chart Farts® collection and make it into a comic. Here’s the latest…

If I were an insurance company… I’d be pissed.

If everyone in hospitals is supposed to use hand gel sanitizer, well then, that means that everyone in the hospital is touching the tops of these things…everyone… Not only that, everyone when their hands are their dirtiest, most soiled, and most infectious. So who washes the top of these bad boys?

OK. You might think this is cheesy. But I’m going to issue a blatant free bribe… Here it goes: I will give you the funny report/download 25 Things You Never Want To Hear During a Disimpaction if you just tell me one of two things…

1 – Give me feedback on the GiggleMed sites – good or bad – just tell me what you think.

or

2 – Tell me a funny healthcare story… anything that happened to you or a colleague.

That’s it. Not too bad, huh? I mean, does it get any better than this? You tell me how much you love my stuff and I send you a free disimpaction manual. Even though I’m totally deceiving you with the picture having a spiral bound manual, you still know this is a sweet deal. So hop to it. Laughter is the best laxative (that’s how it goes, right?).

Certainly a disimpaction manual is better than a manual disimpaction.

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
• Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
• Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
• I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
• He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
• Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
• Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
• ROS: Neurological – no ambition
• Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
• Old Timer’s
• Oldheimer’s
• Discharge Diagnosis: Viral bacterial pneumonia
• Seashore disorder (We medical-types call them ’seizures’)
• Chief Complaint: Responsive
• Admission diagnosis: Seizurettes (We medical-types call them ‘girly man seizures’)
• History of bipolar diarrhea (You should see the manic phase)
• Failure to dehydrate
• He could not stop vomiting diarreah
• Electric lytes
• Cardiac capitalization
• Follow up with vascular urine
• Increased aggitation to sedation
• Height: 163cm, Weight: 10.3Kg, BMI 3
• We did not repeat an EKG because we have an EF from a month ago.
• history of peripheral vascular disease in both lungs
• She has a drug addition problem (1 dose of painkillers = 2 dilaudids, 2 percocets, & a sniff o’ glue)
• O2 sat: 110% on room air
• His culture grew citrus bacteria
• Nosacomical pneumonia (Not so ‘comical’ to the hospital bean counters)
• A chest CT on the 10th was negative for intracranial hemorrhage
• Europathy (Thankfully, President Bush is recovering… after those Freedom Biotics)

Follow me on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:

OK, this isn’t a very long post… and it’s certainly not a usual GiggleMed-style medical humor post.

Instead, let’s call it a proposal. In light of all of the patients I have seen in the hospital with “shortness of breath” as their primary presenting symptom, I think it’s time for a new diagnosis… a new disorder… a new classification.

I really think doing so will help with complex Joint Commission issues, throughput, ER overcrowding, coding confusion and more. It will help admitting physicians, ER attendings, EMTs, and interns and residents.

So, here’s my proposal:

This will allow ER doctors and admitting physicians to prescribe the “Shortness of Breath Shot Gun” with no qualms at all… no need for elaborate, detailed histories… a quick, selective “physical exam” will be all that is needed. The pre-printed orderset will be a snap… a Treatment Trifecta:

A separate pathway for dialysis patients can include HD instead of diuretics.

Think how easy an admission would be.

And now, I’m working on the ultimate combo-pill… I was thinking that subspecialty services like heart failure, orthopedics, open heart surgery, and any other protocol-driven service could have one monster combination medicine… complete with each med written on the usual protocol… all delivered via patented, time-release capsules…

I imagine such a med would be so large that it would have to be delivered as a suppository…

That’s it! The Protocol Pellet ™

The response to our Chart Farts ® collection has not abated… (and we love it, keep it comin’).

This time we take a look at an ultra-important diagnosis from a Core Measures, CMS reimbursement, and readmission rate perspective… and that is congestive heart failure. You would think that with so much attention put to documenting what we do with CHF patients, that there would be very few Chart Farts® associated with it. Actually, it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Here’s the latest…

Again… our malapropisms all come from real hospital or office charts or are uttered by healthcare professionals or patients. We have thousands and each day that list is growing thanks to the sheer number of fans out there, like you, who send them in by email, fax, and even paging me directly.