I’m not sure where it started… maybe from a mixture of words like botanicals, herbal, and pharmaceuticals… maybe from those network marketing folks using new words like nutriceuticals. I don’t know.

But lately, I’ve heard way too many health care professionals using words that do not exist, like “diabeticals” and “diureticals”. I expect it from an occasional patient, but not people that work in health care.

Anyway, here’s a comic I made about diureticals…

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Here’s a sample from GiggleMed’s funny list of Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

• You might want to get off of that thing, I think there’s weight limit
• Did you ever see Alien?
• I see swollen people
• I’m sure you’re having a boy… Women become much more beautiful when they’re having girls
• When can I come by for the placenta?
• Pregnant?! How did that happen?
• For you, the puffy and edematous look is quite becoming.
• You really shouldn’t complain so much… There are some species of salamanders that can remain pregnant for up to 38 months.
• Are you sure you’re only nine months pregnant?
• It is amazing how closely your ankles resemble the trunk of this one tree in my front yard.
• I’ll betcha I can hold my urine longer than you
• It looks like you only have one more month to go
• Yeah, but it’s a good kind of fat
• As soon as you give birth, these are the days you’ll miss
• Did you see that documentary on elephant seals last night?
• So… you must be having twins
• Did they say it was human?
• It was an inney before, wasn’t it?

Got more? Post them in the comments below.

OK, so my wife is pregnant with #5. But, I have learned a lot since #1…

When we were med students, I made a comment that I thought she’d find funny. We were walking up a steep hill in the middle of Pennsylvania (an area I affectionately refer to as Pennsyltucky). My wife was 8 and a half months pregnant and visibly getting winded as we neared the top of the hill. I waited patiently… but waiting and silence, for me, is usually a bad combo. It’s usually a time that I try to make a joke – but not ideal because invariably, that’s a time when jokes are forced (and not spontaneous).

Nonetheless, I offered a point worthy of deep reflection… “Yeah, I know it must be tough, but at least we’re not salamanders. Apparently, some salamanders have a gestation period of up to 38 months.”

It didn’t go over well.

So, this time, with #5, I decided to get her some maternity humor gifts that I made with her in mind. No salamander references, though. (Click on the image if you know someone who might like these)

Here’s a sample from GiggleMed’s list of Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman:

• You might want to get off of that thing, I think there’s weight limit
• Did you ever see Alien?
• I see swollen people
• I’m sure you’re having a boy… Women become much more beautiful when they’re having girls
• When can I come by for the placenta?

I’ll post more in a few days. Got ideas? Post them in the comments section.

It’s that time of month again… Let me rephrase that… Here’s another set of funny charting errors for you laugh about. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Indication for a CT: hypothesis
• Hispanic disorder has been stable here in the hospital.
• Admission weight = 832 lbs, Today’s weight = 81 Kg
• S/P condroversion
• Anti-stranded double DNA
• XRay report: Findings were compatible with the patient’s nurse
• Admission weight: 109 Kg Today’s weight: 11 Kg
• I know all about that alcohol, my father and my brother had the DDTs
• ER Chief Complaint: sterilization
• Mental status improved after discontinuing the sitter
• Chief complaint: Can’t hold water
• Prior arrest for sectional misconduct
• Fly-like symptoms
• Patient unable to sing
• I’m afraid to die of beeties.
• History of stool in his blood
• ROS: See patient for full details
• Would prefer Rocephin instead of cannolones
• Mediastentitis
• Integrilin drip for the next 3 months
• horniated disk
• trichomorass
• She is actually hacking the secretions from her throat mainly
• ICU Intern note: flesh pulmonary edema

Get hilarious Chart Farts® on Twitter:

Check out the Chart Farts® email list, Chart Farts® web page, several medical malapropism articles, Chart Farts® Twitter posts (tweets), and even Chart Farts® shirts, mugs, and gifts.

The call bell rings and it takes forever for the nurse to get there. But don’t blame the nurse, blame the overseers. They’re concerned with documentation, not patient care. You don’t need to actually do any nursing with diligence and care… You just have to rush through it and then spend hours documenting that you did it. There’s no time for call bells… that is, until some disconnected committee declares that call bell to room entry times need documentation too. And that, of course, will have a form, too.

Got an idea for a caption to go beneath this image of a call bell? Let us know. If we use your nursing comic caption, we’ll send you a funny “From the Call Bell” magnet (from the GiggleMed medical humor gift store).